Moving Through Self Blame Within Sexual Trauma

Self blame within sexual trauma is so prominent.    Self blame within sexual trauma is so prominent. 

When we have accepted that it happened, we may then go through a process of self blame.


But self blame within sexual trauma is another mental and emotional state that can keep us restricted and keep us tight from the inability to move from. To move forward …

We may consider the environment we were in … was it our fault?

Did what we were wearing, mean it was our fault?

The relationship of trust we may have built with our abuser.

We may have been told that it happened because we were a bad girl or a bad boy.

All these conversations and beliefs can whirl around us, to taking on board the responsibility of the trauma.



There is a difference between taking the responsibility of our own healing, of our own choice and desire to grow from, to move forward from… To taking responsibility for the actual abuse.

The abuse was not our fault. Absolutely, not at all.

It does not matter what you were wearing. It does not matter where you were. It does not matter what the dynamics of the relationship was. It does not matter if you bought into trust of that person.

The abuse was not our fault.


Self blame may come along because we may have experienced a sensation of pleasure and that may create self blame and even anger within us.

That stimulation, that pleasure was a natural response to stimulation. A natural body response. Certainly not because you chose that, or because you encouraged that, or what ever your belief is.

So it is very important to look at what language we are telling ourselves. That the sexual abuse was our fault.

Where are we still taking and carrying the blame.

Where are we telling ourselves that the trauma was because of something we did or because of something we believed.

So after the step of acceptance, to look at self blame within sexual trauma, is a very big step into coming home to our own bodies, our own breath, our own movement.


michelle roberton sexual trauma therapist brighton

The Healing Step Of Acceptance.

I desire to share with you my own inner alchemy from the childhood of sexual Acceptance gives us empowerment. Permission to be responsible for our own life, our own journey and our own healing.trauma to the woman I am today.

In sharing my own step-by-step process offering you the possibilities of meeting yourself and you and freeing ways.

So I took some time to reflect upon the very first steps.

What was required of me before I could make a new relationship with my body,

A new relationship with my breath and a new relationship with my movement.

And upon this inquiry, I saw that there were four keys, that where required of me on a mental and emotional level.

Although I had attended mind therapy, counselling, talking therapy for a considerable amount of time I came to this realisation that it was only ever going to get me so far because it was not dealing with body memory. And it was not offering me guidance and support in ways in which to reconnect with my body.

I could talk but I could not feel. I could not feel any sensation or any attachment whatsoever to my body.

The first step I took, that felt intuitive required of me was acceptance.

golden flourish

Acceptance is a pretty big thing for anyone that has experienced any sexual trauma.

When we are in a space of non-acceptance then we are in a space of denial.

And if we are in denial, it means that maybe we can manage easier because denial means that we are refusing to accept that it happened.

In this denial, if it did not happen, then we can manage, we can cope, we can survive.

Acceptance allow space for things to move, there is flexibility, there is an opportunity for change. There is an opportunity for transition.

Where as denial suppresses, and in the suppression there is tightness, which means change cannot happen and growth cannot happen.

So we get very stuck in denial. It keeps us stuck in emotions and stuck in life. and inability to move forward and yet once upon a time denial would have kept us safe so that we could cope, so that we could manage, so that we could survive.

So neither is wrong or right.

One keeps as tight and is suppressive and one offers a space for movement.

Space for change, space for an opportunity to move forward.

Now as I said, our denial may have been at that time keep us safe.

It may be, that experience was so overwhelming that we had to dissociate and that the denial came in.

Denial may be because of the dynamics of the relationship of whom our abuser was. That it just feels like an impossibility to except that it happened and that, that person was our abuser.

There may be so many reasons, why we are in the space of denial. But the first key truly is acceptance.

Acceptance that it happened.

Because when we give ourselves this gift of acceptance that it happened, it gives our body an opportunity to move out of a belief that it is still happening.

Which is why our nervous system and so many other things are triggered because of the suppression of a memory in our body our poor body is still believing that it is happening, rather than that it happened.

With acceptance that it happened, we are able to move and so is our body able to move and adjust.

Acceptance offers us responsibility.

It offers us Responsibility for our own healing. For our own alchemy. For our own life.

If we are in denial of something, then we are not taking responsibility for it. Because it does not exist. And the only person who can truly choose to move from, to choose a different life from , to grow from and to heal from is ourselves and that is truly empowering.

Acceptance gives us empowerment. Permission to be responsible for our own life, our own journey and our own healing. ❤️



You Are The Expert Of Your Experience

We can have knowledge from a place of intellect such as certification and being well read …

But there is a different quality when being held, heard and led by another who knows how that tastes and whose sharing comes from the expertise of their own body intelligence and inner alchemy.

I am not an expert of your experience …you are.

What I am, is an expert of my own alchemy of sexual trauma and it is this I choose with passion to share with you. ❤️